History Unfolding

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on March 19, 2009 by ventman

As forwarded to me… A profound read, no?

I am a student of history. Professionally, I have written 15 books in six languages, and have studied it all my life. I think there is something monumentally large afoot, and I do not believe it is just a banking crisis, or a mortgage crisis, or a credit crisis. Yes these exist, but they are merely single facets on a very large gemstone that is only now coming into a sharper focus.

Something of historic proportions is happening. I can sense it because I know how it feels, smells, what it looks like, and how people react to it. Yes, a perfect storm may be brewing, but there is something happening within our country that has been evolving for about ten to fifteen years. The pace has dramatically quickened in the past two.

We demand and then codify into law the requirement that our banks make massive loans to people we know they can never pay back? Why?

We learn just days ago that the Federal Reserve, which has little or no real oversight by anyone, has “loaned” two trillion dollars (that is $2,000,000,000,000) over the past few months, but will not tell us to whom or why or disclose the terms. That is our money. Yours and mine. And that is three times the $700B we all argued about so strenuously just this past September. Who has this money? Why do they have it? Why are the terms unavailable to us? Who asked for it? Who authorized it? I thought this was a government of “we the people,” who loaned our powers to our elected leaders. Apparently not.

We have spent two or more decades intentionally de-industrializing our economy. Why?

We have intentionally dumbed down our schools, ignored our history, and no longer teach our founding documents, why we are exceptional, and why we are worth preserving. Students by and large cannot write, think critically, read, or articulate. Parents are not revolting, teachers are not picketing, school boards continue to back mediocrity. Why?

We have now established the precedent of protesting every close election (now violently in California over a proposition that is so controversial that it wants marriage to remain between one man and one woman. Did you ever think such a thing possible just a decade ago?) We have corrupted our sacred political process by allowing unelected judges to write laws that radically change our way of life, and then mainstream Marxist groups like ACORN and others to turn our voting system into a banana republic. To what purpose?

Now our mortgage industry is collapsing, housing prices are in free fall, major industries are failing, our banking system is on the verge of collapse, social security is nearly bankrupt, as is medicare and our entire government, our education system is worse than a joke (I teach college and know precisely what I am talking about) – the list is staggering in its length, breadth, and depth. It is potentially 1929 x ten. And we are at war with an enemy we cannot name for fear of offending people of the same religion, who cannot wait to slit the throats of your children if they have the opportunity to do so.

And now we have elected a man no one knows anything about, who has never run so much as a Dairy Queen, let alone a town as big as Wasilla, Alaska. All of his associations and alliances are with real radicals in their chosen fields of employment, and everything we learn about him, drip by drip, is unsettling if not downright scary (Surely you have heard him speak about his idea to create and fund a mandatory civilian defense force stronger than our military for use inside our borders? No? Oh of course. The media would never play that for you over and over and then demand he answer it. Sarah Palin’s pregnant daughter and $150,000 wardrobe is more important.)

Mr. Obama’s winning platform can be boiled down to one word: Change.

Why?

I have never been so afraid for my country and for my children as I am now.

This man campaigned on bringing people together, something he has never, ever done in his professional life. In my assessment, Obama will divide us along philosophical lines, push us apart, and then try to realign the pieces into a new and different power structure. Change is indeed coming. And when it comes, you will never see the same nation again.

And that is only the beginning.

And I thought I would never be able to experience what the ordinary, moral German felt in the mid-1930s. In those times, the savior was a former smooth-talking rabble-rouser from the streets, about whom the average German knew next to nothing. What they did know was that he was associated with groups that shouted, shoved, and pushed around people with whom they disagreed; he edged his way onto the political stage through great oratory. Conservative “losers” read it right now.

And promises. Economic times were tough, people were losing jobs, and he was a great speaker. And he smiled and waved a lot. And people, even newspapers, were afraid to speak out for fear that his “brown shirts” would bully them into submission. And then, he was duly elected to office, a full-throttled economic crisis at hand [the Great Depression]. Slowly but surely he seized the controls of government power, department by department, person by person, bureaucracy by bureaucracy.. The kids joined a Youth Movement in his name, where they were taught what to think. How did he get the people on his side? He did it promising jobs to the jobless, money to the money-less, and goodies for the military-industrial complex. He did it by indoctrinating the children, advocating gun control, health care for all, better wages, better jobs, and promising to re-instill pride once again in the country, across Europe, and across the world. He did it with a compliant media-did you know that? And he did this all in the name of justice and change. And the people surely got what they voted for.

(Look it up if you think I am exaggerating.)

Read your history books. Many people objected in 1933 and were shouted down, called names, laughed at, and made fun of. When Winston Churchill pointed out the obvious in the late 1930s while seated in the House of Lords in England (he was not yet Prime Minister), he was booed into his seat and called a crazy troublemaker. He was right, though.

Don’t forget that Germany was the most educated, cultured country in Europe. It was full of music, art, museums, hospitals, laboratories, and universities. And in less than six years (a shorter time span than just two terms of the U. S. presidency) it was rounding up its own citizens, killing others, abrogating its laws, turning children against parents, and neighbors against neighbors.. All with the best of intentions, of course. The road to Hell is paved with them.

As a practical thinker, one not overly prone to emotional decisions, I have a choice: I can either believe what the objective pieces of evidence tell me (even if they make me cringe with disgust); I can believe what history is shouting to me from across the chasm of seven decades; or I can hope I am wrong by closing my eyes, having another latte, and ignoring what is transpiring around me.

Some people scoff at me, others laugh, or think I am foolish, naive, or both. Perhaps I am. But I have never been afraid to look people in the eye and tell them exactly what I believe-and why I believe it.

I pray I am wrong. I do not think I am.

David Kaiser Location: Jamestown , Rhode Island , United States For the past thirty years I have been a historian of international and domestic politics, as well as an authority on some of the more famous criminal cases in American history. For the past four years I have been commenting on current events.

This is the Same Question I’ve Been Asking

Posted in Culture, People, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on October 18, 2008 by ventman

Why, and more importantly HOW can this remain hidden? Isn’t proof of this required information? Hell, I can’t even apply for a part-time job without a background check… I wonder if I “sealed” my records….

(in other words, “How do YOU spell ‘selling out the United States of America”?)

Media Spin Obviously Working

Posted in Economy, Election, Media, Politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 14, 2008 by ventman

If you haven’t already noticed the media spin in this year’s election, you’re a perfect candidate to drink the proverbial Kool Aid…. If you have, but are wondering what the hell happened to our economy, here is a pretty good summary of what has happened:

The following is a condensation of a series from Investor’s Business Daily explaining ‘What Caused the Loan Crisis’:

1977: Pres. Jimmy Carter signs into Law the Community Reinvestment Act, the foundation and cornerstonefor the impending disaster. The law pressured financial institutions to extend home loans tothose who would otherwise not qualify.

The publicized premise: Home ownership would improve poor and crime-ridden communities and neighborhoods in terms of crime, investment, jobs, etc.

The Results: Statistics bear out that it did not help.

How did the government get so deeply involved in the housing market?

Answer: Bill Clinton wanted it that way.

1992: Republican representative Jim Leach (IO) warned of the danger that Fannie and Freddie were changing from being agencies of the public at large to money machines for the principals and the stock-holding few.

1993: Clinton extensively rewrote Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac’s rules turning the quasi-private mortgage-funding firms into semi-nationalized monopolies dispensing cash and loans to large Democratic voting blocks and handing favors, jobs and contributions to political allies. This potent mix led inevitably to corruption and now the collapse of Freddie and Fannie.

1994: Despite warnings, Clinton unveiled his National Home-Ownership Strategy, which broadened the CRA in ways congress never intended.

1995: Congress, about to change from a Democrat majority to Republican. Clinton orders Robert Rubin’s Treasury Dept to rewrite the rules. Robt. Rubin’s Treasury reworked rules, forcing banks to satisfy quotas for sub-prime and minority loans to get a satisfactory CRA rating. The rating was key to expansion or mergers for banks. Loans began to be made on the basis of race and little else.

1997 – 1999: Clinton, bypassing Republicans in Congress, enlisted Andrew Cuomo, then Secretary of Housing and Urban Dev elopement, allowing Freddie and Fannie to get into the sub-prime market in a BIG way. Led by Rep. Barney Frank and Sen.Chris Dodd, congress doubled down on the risk by easing  capital
limits and allowing them to hold just 2.5% of capital to back their investments vs.10% for banks. Since they could borrow at lower rates than banks their enterprises boomed.

With incentives in place, banks poured billions in loans into poor communities, often ‘no doc’, ‘no income’, requiring no money down and no verification of income. Worse still was the cronyism: Fannie and Freddie became home to out-of work-politicians, mostly Clinton Democrats. 384 politicians got big campaign donations from Fannie and Freddie. Over $200 million had been spent on lobbying and political activities.

During the 1990′s Fannie and Freddie enjoyed a subsidy of as much as $182 Billion, most of it going to principals and shareholders, not poor borrowers as claimed.

Did it work? Minorities made up 49% of the 12.5 million new homeowners but many of those loans have gone bad and the minority homeownership rates are shrinking fast.

1999: New Treasury Secretary, Lawrence Summers, became alarmed at Fannie and Freddie’s excesses. Congress held hearings the ensuing year but nothing was done because Fannie and Freddie had donated millions to key congressmen and radical groups, ensuring no meaningful changes would take place. ‘We manage our political risk with the same intensity that we manage our credit and interest rate risks,’ Fannie CEO Franklin Raines, a former Clinton official and current Barack Obama advisor, bragged to investors in 1999.

2000: Secretary Summers sent Undersecretary Gary Gensler to Congress seeking an end to the ‘special status’. Democrats raised a ruckus as did Fannie and Freddie, headed by politically connected CEO’s who knew how to reward and punish. ‘We think that the statements evidence a contempt for the nation’s
housing and mortgage markets’ Freddie spokesperson Sharon McHale said. It was the last chance during the Clinton era for reform.

2001: Republicans try repeatedly to bring fiscal sanity to Fannie and Freddie but Democrats blocked any attempt at reform; especially Rep. Barney Frank and Sen.Chris Dodd who now run key banking committees and were huge beneficiaries of campaign contributions from the mortgage giants.

2003: Bush proposes what the NY Times called ‘the most significant regulatory overhaul in the housing finance industry since the savings and loan crisis a decade ago.’ Even after discovering a scheme by Fannie and Freddie to overstate earnings by $10.6 billion to boost their bonuses, the Democrats killed reform.

2005: Then Fed chairman Alan Greenspan warns Congress: ‘We are placing the total financial system at substantial risk’. Sen. McCain, with two others, sponsored a Fannie/Freddie reform bill and said, ‘If congress does not act, American taxpayers will continue to be exposed to the enormous risk that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac pose to the housing market, the overall financial system and the economy as a whole’. Sen. Harry Reid accused the GOP ;of trying to ‘cripple the ability of Fannie and Fred die to carry out their mission of expanding home ownership’ The bill went nowhere.

2007: By now Fannie and Freddie own or guarantee over HALF of the $12 trillion US mortgage market. The mortgage giants, whose executive suites were top-heavy with former Democratic officials, had been working with Wall St. to repackage the bad loans and sell them to investors. As the housing market fell in ’07, subprime mortgage portfolios suffered major losses. The crisis was on, though it was 15 years in the making.

2008: McCain has repeatedly called for reforming the behemoths, Bush urged reform 17 times. Still the media have repeated Democrats’ talking points about this being a ‘Republican’ disaster. A few Republicans are complicit but Fannie and Freddie were created by Democrats, regulated by Democrats, largely
run by Democrats and protected by Democrats. That’s why taxpayers are now being asked for $750 billion!

If you doubt any of this, just click the links below and listen to your lawmakers’ own words. They are condemning.


http://www.businessandmedia.org/printer/2008/20080924145932.aspx

Postscript: ACORN is one of the principal beneficiaries of Fannie/ Freddie’s slush funds. It is currently under indictment or investigation in many states. Barack Obama served as their legal counsel, defending their activities for several years.

Please share this with everyone you know. Copy this. Send it. Print it. Talk about it. America needs to know.

Ten Dollars a Gallon, and Gallons of Lies.

Posted in Automobiles, Autos, Cars, Culture, Go Green!, People, Personalities, Pissed about Cars, Technology, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on July 19, 2008 by ventman

We’ll no doubt hit the magical $10./gallon if you liberals have your way. 
Quickly, if you’re all for paying the lazy, the illegals and the drug addicts to do nothing, go ahead and elect another liberal pile of waste to office. I’m lost on how the Democrats think… They claim that the government is evil, wrong, and against us, but, gee… they want that same group to control their HEALTH CARE??! Um… wow… kinda sounds odd to me. And golly, they can have poorly managed health care at even HIGHER TAXES!! Awesome. And we’ll all just pay and pay and pay so you can remain lazy, uneducated and the ROOT CAUSE of the country’s decline? Wait ’till we rebel, and stop supporting you. Ask yourself about THAT scenario, douchebag.

But, what we’re here to speak about is HIGH OIL PRICES. Best told straight from a great article. 

View it here: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/2046329/posts .

Enjoy a fine read, then give some actual thought to that ballot. (and, as an open question: Name 2 accomplishments of Obama. Go ahead… take your time. OK… how about one. Just one. Can’t do that either? Shocking. Would you hire a general practitioner to perform your brain surgery if he had no experience? Hell no– first, you’d seek a neurosurgeon, a specialist, and then you’d find the best one you could. Oh, wait— you’d rather go for the guy who just promises to “help” or “change” your situation,. without BACKING IT UP. 

“O Hell No” is all I have to say.

Not to get too picky, but…

Posted in Culture, Go Green!, People, Personalities, Uncategorized with tags , , on July 11, 2008 by ventman

…for a candidate who is all about “change” (his words, not mine), has anyone bothered to note Obama’s voting record?

It’s here, BTW: http://www.votesmart.org/voting_category.php?can_id=9490

…take a peek, and consider why, for someone so interested in change, that he has avoided voting on any of the major issues. THEN, by all means, lecture me with how wonderful he’ll be. Avoiding the actual issues… its all so…. so JIMMY CARTER! And those were some great years, huh?! Can I get a high five?

Has anyone heard Obama talk about an actual issue? ….and can he speak without a prepared speech? Who is his speech writer? Seems THAT is the person actually running.  

Yeah, great choice, you liberal fucking hippie.

Keep your change.

Posted in Culture, People, Personalities, Politics, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on April 11, 2008 by ventman

Compiling some facts that have been forwarded, and weeding out any extraneous bullshit, I wanted to present a “Voters Guide for 2008″.

 

Quote of the Day……..”My friends, we live in the greatest nation
in the history of the world.  I hope you’ll join with me as we try
to change it.” — Barack Obama

A candidate for “change”? Great. Let’s examine one year worth of Democratic “change”:

A little over one year ago:
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high;
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon;
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%.

Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen:
1) Consumer confidence plummet;
2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $3.50 a gallon;
3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase);
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value
  evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses);
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars;
6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure.

 America voted for change in 2006, and we got it!
 Remember, it’s Congress that makes law, not the President.
 He has to work with what’s handed to him.

Next, let’s look at…

Taxes…Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these
statistics enlightening and amazing.

www.taxfoundation.org/publications/show/151.html

 Taxes under Clinton                                   Taxes under Bush 2008

Single making 30K – tax $8,400                Single making 30K – tax $4,500
Single making 50K – tax $14,000              Single making 50K – tax $12,500
Single making 75K – tax $23,250              Single making 75K – tax $18,750
Married making 60K – tax $16,800           Married making 60K- tax $9,000
Married making 75K – tax $21,000           Married making 75K- tax $18,750
Married making 125K – tax $38,750          Married making 125K – tax $31,250

Both democratic candidates will return to the higher tax rates

It is amazing how many people that fall into the categories above
think Bush is screwing them and Bill Clinton was the greatest
President ever.  If Obama or Hillary are elected, they both say they
will repeal the Bush tax cuts and a good portion of the people that
fall into the categories above can’t wait for it to happen. This is
like the movie, The Sting with Paul Newman; you scam somebody out of
some money and they don’t even know what happened.

Up next, DEBT.

You think the war in Iraq is costing us too much?

Read this:
I’m confused.  I have been hammered with the propaganda
that it is the Iraq war and the war on terror that is bankrupting us.
I now find that to be RIDICULOUS.

I hope the following 14 reasons are forwarded over and over again
until they are read so many times that the reader gets sick of
reading them.  I have included the URL’s for verification of all
the following facts.

 1.  $11 Billion to $22 billion is spent on welfare to
   illegal aliens each year by state governments.
   Verify at: http://tinyurl.com/zob77

2.  $2.2 Billion dollars a year is spent on food assistance programs
    such as food stamps, WIC, and free school lunches for illegal aliens.
   Verify at: http://www.cis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

 3. $2.5 Billion dollars a year is spent on Medicaid for illegal aliens.
   Verify at: http://www.cis..org/articles/2004/fiscalexec.html

4.  $12 Billion dollars a year is spent on primary and secondary
    school education for children here illegally and they cannot speak a
   word of English!

   Verify at:  http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.0.html
5.  $17 Billion dollars a year is spent for education for
    the American-born children of illegal aliens, known as anchor babies.
   Verify at http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

6.  $3 Million Dollars a DAY is spent to incarcerate illegal aliens.
   Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

7.  30% percent of all Federal Prison inmates are illegal aliens.
   Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

8.  $90 Billion Dollars a year is spent on illegal aliens for
   Welfare & social services by the American taxpayers.
   Verify at: http://premium.cnn.com/TRANSCIPTS/0610/29/ldt.01.html

9. $200 Billion Dollars a year in suppressed American wages are
  caused by the illegal aliens.
   Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0604/01/ldt.01.html

10. The illegal aliens in the United States have a crime rate that’s
      two and a half times that of white non-illegal aliens. In particular,
      their children, are going to make a huge additional crime problem
     in the US.
     Verify at: http://transcripts.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/0606/12/ldt.01.html

11.  During the year of 2005 there were 4 to 10 MILLION illegal
   aliens that crossed our Southern Border; also, as many as 19,500
   illegal aliens from Terrorist Countries.  Millions of pounds of
   drugs, cocaine, meth, heroin and marijuana, crossed into the U. S
   from the Southern border.
   Verify at: Homeland Security Report:  http://tinyurl.com/t9sht

12.  The National Policy Institute, “estimated that the total cost
   of mass deportation would be between $206 and $230 billion or an
    average cost of  between $41 and $46 billion annually over a five year
   period.”
   Verify at: http://www.nationalpolicyinstitute.org/pdf/deportation.pdf

13.  In 2006 illegal aliens sent home $45 BILLION in remittances
  back to their countries of origin.
 Verify at: http://www.rense.com/general75/niht.htm

14.  ”The Dark Side of Illegal Immigration: Nearly One Million Sex
 Crimes Committed by Illegal Immigrants In The United States.”
 Verify at: http://www.drdsk.com/articleshtml

The total cost is a whopping $338.3 BILLION DOLLARS A YEAR.

…oh, and lest we forget Hillary. She and Wild Bill pocketed how many millions? Oh, hang on…. you’re claiming that they gave a bunch to a charity, right? Yes…the CLINTON FOUNDATION. Isn’t that like money laundering? Just a thought. Ask them how much taxpayers fork over for their home in New York, that they CHARGE THE SECRET SERVICE $10,000. a month to live on to protect them. Profiting from the government… wow.

The History Channel recently ran a special on MLK, marking the anniversary of his assassination … and they had Bill Clinton on. Why in the world would they have Bill Clinton on this show talking about MLK? Clinton has said openly that the mayor of Birmingham( Bull Conner I believe) was his role model. This man was a huge racist and segregationist. Ahhhh… what a great former President. Name three things he did that had a positive impact. No? Two then. No still? One? Besides teaching my kids that they have no responsibilities for their actions. Wonderful, indeed.

 

I get it. You ARE awesome.

Posted in Automobiles, Autos, Cars, Culture, fashion, People, Pissed about Cars, trends, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on April 10, 2008 by ventman

OK, it needs to be said:

Please stop putting those fucking retarded “So-Cal” stickers on your truck. Especially if you’re not IN fucking So-Cal. If you’re FROM So-Cal, and have one in a different state, either remove it, or go the fuck back. Your area of that state sucks, your truck sucks, YOU suck, and your sister would have sucked, too… but I didn’t have three dollars.

Even worse is your genetically-deprived third cousin with that dumb decal with the silhouette of two chicks on it…. one a devil, the other an angel. Wow. Women must cream themselves sterile when you drive by with THAT. You truly ARE a stud. Get a decal that shows something, shall we say, a bit closer to the truth… Maybe a guy wearing a leather cap, holding a riding crop and displaying one of the letters from YMCA… and, perhaps a sheep.

Furthermore, am I to believe that your pathetic ass rides motocross, surfs, skates, and loves the strippers (judging by your stickers), even though you look like my third grade teacher, had he gained ninety pounds? Wow. Awesome. I’ll just presume they ran out of “Warcraft” stickers…. and one of a douchebag playing with himself every Saturday night.

I know, I know… “don’t hate the player…”. But, uh, no players in sight, and certainly no game, either. I don’t have a ton of stickers proclaiming my every interest.  Imagine if I did: “Medium Rare Steaks RULE!”, “SALSA”, “SLEEP!” “I’d rather be beating the living shit out of the dickhead in front of me with the So-Cal sticker on his back window”, “Your mom squeals when I do THIS”. Better, what if they were stickers, like yours, that make you think I’m really into all kinds of shit that I’m not, or can’t be? “SHELLFISH”, “NEUROSURGEON!”, or “So-Cal”. We could hang out in your mom’s basement and play Warcraft. Awesome indeed.

In closing, I suppose I just want to say “So-What?”

“Green” Cars using Dangerous Substance for Fuel

Posted in Automobiles, Autos, Cars, Go Green!, Pissed about Cars, Technology with tags , , , on April 10, 2008 by ventman

I don’t want anyone to think I’m anti-green. By no means, it ain’t true. (I am anti-purple unless it’s “Plum Crazy” and their’s a Hemi under the hood). BUT, it’s time I tore the lid off the madness surrounding the fuel proposed for our future cars. Of course, I’m talking about Dihydrogen.

Dihydrogen is often tanekn from the already dangerous and highly controversial dyhydrogen monoxide (DHMO). (Read here to get the big picture on DHMO) Be aware though! Not even the mighty DHMO mentions the dangers of mixing naturally occurring ground dihydrogen monoxide with hexavalent chromium. Come on man, I saw Erin Brockovich!

Think what you want about DHMO. I think, in the right hands, it can be used without incident and in combination with dicarbon pentahydorgen monoxide-monohydride and other starches, it can be quite pleasant. (though some have found it to be a depressant) I like mine in a tall frozen glass!

Here’s where it get serious though… DHMO can cause suffocation, erosion and is a major component of acid rain, but at least it ain’t EXPLOSIVE! If you go and split apart the relatively strong bonds between DH and MO, BOOM! They’re both highly flammable! (not to mention the reformation of dioxides!)

So the same geniuses that brought you the Prius and have been running around stealing “H” of billboards and from common language are now trying to put Dihydrogen in cars for fuel. Give me a break. Why not continue using gasoline? At least you can smell it! (nobody likes the smell of diesel, so that’s why it’s only popular in Europe. Let’s not forget that they eat snails over there)

In closing, I want everyone to know that 25-65% of the energy available in dihydrogen is used up when you make it! How pissed would you be if even 25% of the gas you were pumping spilled onto the ground? Screw that. Get smart people. Don’t support dihydrogen use in cars. (and only use DHMO with the proper cautionary steps, especially in quantities of several thousand to several million gallons)

You’re “all about” my foot in your ass.

Posted in Culture, People, Personalities, Pissed about Cars with tags , , , on April 7, 2008 by ventman

Why do people insist on saying stupid shit like “I’m all about this” or “oh, we’re all about” that??!! WHAT??!! You’re not “all about” anything. Except, perhaps, douchebaggery.

Elaborating:
If you’re the idiot with the three-foot tall pompadour, the fat-ass, homely girl that thinks she looks like some pin-up model (let’s be honest here, too– ain’t no pin in the world gonna hold that ass on a wall), driving some shitbox “rat rod”, reading Rebel Rodzz or Ol Skewl Roddzzzz, and telling me it’s “just like the 50′s bro! I’m ALL ABHOUT THAT”, you deserve to have a foot wedged in your ass. You are not all about anything, except a warning on why brothers and sisters shouldn’t have babies. You are the Wikipedia of “all about the 50′s”. You are bad information edited by morons. You are, in essence, all about this entry.

The term “all about” is often coupled with another great term, “bro”. No, I am not your bro. Do not call me “bro”. I hate you. I would club you like a seal if offered the opportunity. You are a douchebag. Your tattoos are lame, and your trendy nature doubly-so. Do tell me the story of your “aces and eights and skulls and rose and brass knuckles and iron cross in a spiderweb with Betty Page looking at Elvis, the Ramones and Archie Bunker having a gang-bang on Jim Morrison’s grave while Elvira inserts a dildo that might be a Twinkie, might be Jimi Hendrix’s guitar” tattoo. You are a pop culture giant, and by golly, seeing that, along with your crooked ball cap and ‘Stones “vintage” tour shirt (from Target!) reinforces in my mind how cool you are, bro. Maybe later we can ride round in your lifted stupid truck and listen to rap. It’ll be a highlight of my life.

I guess that what I’m getting at is that I really don’t like trendy assholes.

But hey, thanks for trying. 

iCantdrive

Posted in Automobiles, Autos, Cars, Culture, Pissed about Cars, Technology with tags , , , , , , , on April 7, 2008 by ventman

Over the weekend, we got to talking, as the wife and I do sometimes, and we turned to the subject of new cars (not that we’re looking…. we’re more “used-car friendly” here), and the astounding array of new options you can choose. Granted, we grew up in a slightly diffferent era, and still consider heated seats to be the grand “WHY??!!!” of auto options, even having grown up in a freaking icy climate. (ever sat on newspapers to keep your ass from turning to ice and sliding you under the steering wheel? There’s your heated seat.)

Anyway, a few years back, VW offered bikes with cars, and then, more recently, the ability to plug your guitar into your car, thus making it a $300./month practice amp, and possibly changing the course of open-air concerts forever… in some dimension. I have yet to run across a travelling band that utilizes the Jetta stack on stage, but I’m waiting. Lately, it’s navigation systems (mine is called “Wife”, and it’s pretty accurate, especially when used with “U-Turn”, optional “Power Slide” (feature turns on automatically after fourth use of “U-Turn”), and is often activated by either saying “Where in the f**k is this place??!” or by simply driving past our destination), and way cool “Screaming Match”, which usually scares the kids. You can get DVD players so the kids can watch movies (ours often enjoy the reality show “Look Out the F**king Window, There’s Your DVD” when on trips), and even beverage coolers (now THERE’s a mixed message). I’m assuming that the good old college days of a pop-up sunroof are long behind us as the ultimate expression of bling.

Anyway, the new Avenger comes with an optional 20 GIG hard drive. Very cool, I guess, if you have lots of MP-3′s and whatnot… or want to upload photos of your family, or whatever you’d fill that with. We figure that in due time, you just KNOW that someone will fill theirs with porn. It’s inevitable. And, of course, there will be the considerable shakedown (not THAT, you sicko — although, if you are THAT guy, you may want to spring for the fabric guard…. just a thought), as some freak will have an issue with theirs, take it in on a warranty call, and get busted for something awful on theirs. It is, quite possibly, unavoidable. “New Meaning of Service Call at Dealer Gets Local Man in Hot Water” the headlines will scream… “He brought in in with an issue in the hard drive”, said local Service Manager Ike Kinundustand said, “and we got it all working… and to our surprise, and the enjoyment of our tech, we discovered hours of filth! We reviewed the contents for three days before determining that it was either a turkey, or maybe a girl with bad hair… Anyway, there were pygmies and maybe even a hyena, and then the plumber came in, and suddenly, there was poop and blood and hair and what might have been Elvis, might have been some dude in a rat rod, not really sure… did Elvis have tattoos of skulls and spiderwebs and iron crosses? No? Man, I could SWORN the ’50′s were all about that… anyway, we watched it over and over, loaded it to YouTube, watched some more, then figured we could be famous, and so we called the paper.”

On the flip-side of this, the question of “WHY??” comes to mind, but ya gotta admit, for long road trips, between having satellite radio, a hard drive, DVD, and maybe a passenger…. OK, and that cooler, road trips would rule. Yet, you’d miss out on local stations in small towns, and the cultural growth that comes from that… even if it’s a town in Iowa with white kids wearing crooked ball caps, calling me “bro”, and slapping a Volcom sticker on their car. (“how’s the surf? Oh, that’s right, asshole, it’s about 2000 miles west, you retard.”)

In a nutshell, I can’t wait to buy my first hard-drive equipped used car, and sift through whatever’s left on it…. should get interesting.

 

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